Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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