"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
