Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
