Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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