He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
