Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
