I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
