I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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