AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
