im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I need moral support for this bender
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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