would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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