I'm really into asian looking animals
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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