Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
