At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
