when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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