if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize