Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
