Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
