By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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