According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
