it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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