just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
