How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
