I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
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i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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