no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
