I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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