Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
