i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
