So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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