i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
