The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
