Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
