pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
