im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
