I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
