I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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