so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
