he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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