my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
