i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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