She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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