and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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