so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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