Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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