I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
