Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
