She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
