Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
