i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
