Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
its liver damage thursday
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
