I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
