I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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