last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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