it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
