If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't put those talents on a resume
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
