heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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