on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
