The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
honey bunches of taint.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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