Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
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They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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