got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
