She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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