Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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