Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
