Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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