so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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