I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
