I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
