You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
