I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
