How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
