take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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