Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
