Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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